Opposites and Ferret Draco
by tootsieXpopXdiscovery
Summary: If you like random stories that have no plot, lots of OOC, everything is opposite, and it is stupidly funny then this is the story for you. If not, pull the stick out of ur butt! ONESHOT


**A/N: Sorry that this is so weird. I just wanted to be random. It probably isn't funny at all so I don't expect any reviews or favorites. It was inspired by my friends Liana because she found the words Ferret and Died right next to each other in a word search.**

**Dedication: Liana**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. HP belongs to JKR**

**So here it is…………..**

Hermione Granger skipped down the corridors singing Christmas carols in March. She passed a window and looked at the brightly shining stars in the daytime sky. Why were there stars in the day? Well no one really knows not even the author.

So Hermione continued singing when she ran into Mrs. Norris and Crookshanks going at it. She smiled and continued stopping in front of Harry and Ron. They were arguing over who had a bigger butt.

"My butt is bigger!" Harry screamed and pointed at his behind.

"No! Mine is!" Ron did the same.

"I'll decide. Moon me." Hermione stated calmly. They went through this every day.

They proceeded to pull down their pants and let Hermione study their backsides. She promptly whacked each and made her decision.

"Sorry Harry, but Ron's is bigger today!" Hermione walked away again as she heard Ron's joyous screams. Though they could have been a girls' shrieks.

Hermione Granger plopped down on the cold stone floor to relax. She then heard a terrified cry for help. Ginny Weasley was running red in the face. She was running from a very naked Severus Snape.

"I love you Ginny Weasley!" Severus yelled.

'I must get that man some clothing. He is always naked.' Hermione mused to herself and realized that she must get up.

She walked down the hallway and got extremely hot. So she shed her clothes. All that covered her was a black bra and thong. She walked through crowded hallways and not one strange look was sent her way! She passed Cho Chang who had every piece of skin covered and she was so layered that she looked frumpy. All the males gawked and wolf whistled. You see, in this story more clothes his hotter.

Hermione walked into History of Magic and smiled at the hot professor; Professor Binns. Neville Longbottom was a know it all like always. Hermione just sat in her chair and smelt her feet. And that takes a lot of skill. You try sitting and inconspicuously reaching your foot to your nose.

After class a large crowd formed out side the Great Hall. Mad- Eye Moody turned Draco Malfoy into an albino ferret! He bounced around and squeaked as every one laughed. Hermione, Ron and Harry enjoyed the show so much that they went to the souvenir stand.

Harry bought a ferret Draco doll that squeaked when you squeezed it. Ron bought the 86.9251347 minute video. Hermione bought a t shirt with a picture of a ferret on it and in neon green letters it said "I LOVE FERRET DRACO!"

Happy with their purchased items they went back to the show. Suddenly something unexpected happened. Ferret Draco bounced out of the window. Now normally the corridor they were in was the first floor. But in this story it magically became the floor between floor 102 and 103. So therefore it was floor 156.6.

Everyone screeched and ran to the window. They watched as Ferret Draco fell into the sky. Then there was silence. But Hermione was brave and she screamed the two things on her mind.

"I LOVE FERRET DRACO! And I want PIE!" Everyone cheered and rushed into the Great Hall for said pie. At the same time all the "I LOVE FERRET DRACO!" shirts magically were added "R.I.A. Ferret Draco!" on the back.

"R.I.A." means Rest In Agony. If you are that slow than I guess I must tell you that because the author wishes, that is a good thing in this story.

What the students didn't know though was that Dobby the house elf happened to be sitting on a cloud when Ferret Draco fell into the sky. Ferret Draco was scared to death (literally) so Dobby took him into the kitchen and he and all the other house elves made Ferret Pie.

All of Hogwarts was raving about the new mystery pie. They would have been glad to know though that Ferret Draco truly was resting in agony. He was in agony in all of their stomachs…

**A/N: So, yeah…. Not funny right? Well oh well. R&R if you want, flames are excepted and expected.**


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